Today I writing the script for "Inoculum." However, as I began to create the introduction sequence, I became aware of a few problems, which I wish to analyse and critique in this blog post.
My first problem is that I feel there is way too much dialogue in this script. In a previous blog post, and in several skillset group gatherings, I outlined the potential problem I might have with "exposition dialogue", dialogue that simply tells the story without showing what is happening.
I feel that there is too much exposition dialogue in my introduction sequence, and that a lot of the dialogue comes from the character of Doctor Hughes.
Doctor Hughes is supposed to be a minor character, but due to the amount of dialogue he has in the introductory sequence, and how much the focus is on him as a character as opposed to the characters of Abigail, Delaney and Dougas, I feel there may be a potential danger that an audience will become more focused on Doctor Hughes, rather than the actual main characters.
I also feel that there should be more emphasis on the description of all three main characters, as it is currently quite difficult for a director to understand what Douglas and Delaney look like, and how they dress etc.
I also made a change to the actual way in which the film begins. I originally intended for Abigail to begin as a perfectly healthy character, and show her getting slowly ill and the progression of the rashes she develops. I am however, aware that this would eat away at the time I have to create my short film, and as a result, I decided to begin the film immediately at the doctor's office with Abigail being referred to a higher medical authority for the experimental treatment which will eventually cause the side effect of her body stealing the living cells of living things around her.
Another problem I discovered was that the setting which is being used (the doctor's office) may be too similar to the setting which I intend for the characters to visit directly after this scene (A medical laboratory). I need to develop a way in which I can either transition to a completely different setting, in order for the audience to understand that this is a different place entirely, other than simply a different room in the same building.
One way I feel I could combat the problems I have outlined is to have the entire introduction (Abigail getting ill and the doctor referring the family to an experimental drug facility) as a voiceover from one of the parents points of view. This will allow for more development of the parents characters and also eliminate the need to spend so much film time in the doctors office.
At this point I feel that I should probably continue pre-writing before I begin to actually complete a script, as I am a little unsure about what order to show scenes effectively.
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