Major Project Unit- Condensing my Treatment Documents.

I have recently begun writing my treatment documents for episodes 3,4, and 5 of Ascension. The purpose of a treatment document is to provide a reasonably detailed plan of the story that you want to tell in a film or television series, before an actual script has been formed. 

Due to the nature of what a treatment document is used for, there needs to be a compromise made by the writer between inserting enough detail that the reader understands the story to a reasonable degree, and not too much detail that the reader becomes buried in useless information.

Below is a segment of the first treatment draft I created:

As you can see, I go into a lot of detail that is actually quite unneeded. 

The purpose of a treatment document is to provide a sort of "trailer" for the script, detailing only the most important events of the script. In the uncondensed version of my treatment, I go into way too much detail describing the scenery and how characters move, and if this is the case, I might as well just write the script itself.

Below is a more condensed version of the above segment:

Although I still use a lot of detail in the condensed version, some of the more irrelevant details have been removed. A treatment document for a 25 minute film should ideally be around 5 pages, and cutting useless details such as the ones I eliminated in this condensed version should allow me to reach this amount of pages.