Major Project- Draft 1 Script Feedback

I recently received feedback from several sources about the first draft I created for "Ascension." below you can find the complete first draft of the series.

The feedback I received mostly revolved around the realism of the scenario I had created, most notably these aspects;

• The period of time between Stanley shooting Sergeant Dreizer and returning to the UK (Three days)
• The fact a cable car exists in the Scottish Highlands.
• Some of the dialogue used. (A lot of characters say certain phrases and speak in a way that sounds "Americanised") I need to focus on researching exactly how English people speak, and make it seem authentic for the location and time period the series is set in.
• I need to make every flashback have importance, and make them interesting. Some of the flashbacks, particularly the one with Cindy, seem unrealistic and straight-up boring. I need to focus on making every flashback an experience, and use them to further the story.

It was also suggested that I pay careful attention to my script format, making sure to use proper punctuation in scene headings, and also making sure the content of my script makes sense when taking the scene heading into account. For example, in Scene 2, the heading reads;

2. INT. MESS HALL. APPROACHING EVENING.

And the scene description begins immediately with the words; "Inside one of the buildings...".

This sentence is completely redundant, as the scene heading already establishes that the scene takes place inside a location, as evident by the INT. part of the heading. Avoiding this problem in the future will allow me to remove a good portion of unneeded text from my script.

My script was praised for having a strong beginning and ending, and it seems most of the problems seem to revolve around the stuff that happens in the middle.