PreProduction Unit- Discovering New Screenplay Writing Techniques

After submitting my first script draft, I suddenly began to notice several mistakes and flaws that I hadn't noticed before. (Awful Timing.) These included an inconsistency involving Douglas "recognising" Craig Manning as he runs away from his house after attempting to break in, as well as some situations which seems quite unrealistic upon reading through the script with fresh eyes at a later date, such as why Douglas is so against the laboratory staff test Abigail and potentially save everyones lives.

With this in mind, I decided to take a look at some other screenplays in the sci-fi genre, and find a screenplay writer that I could investigate, to see if they had particular techniques when it comes to storytelling. I instantly remembered one of my favourite Sci-fi movies of all time, "The Thing" (particularly the 1982 remake) and after searching for its listing on IMDB, I found that its screenplay was written by Bill Lancaster, otherwise known as William Henry Lancaster.
Upon searching for more information on Lancaster, I instantly happened upon this article entitled "10 screenwriting lessons you can learn from the Thing."
Some useful points I picked up on that I believe will be particularly useful for me to pay attention to when created my second draft of Inoculum, are these:

1. Only have your characters speak if they have something to say.
This is something I known about for quite a while, and in my first script for Inoculum, I did try my best to cut as much "mundane chit-chat" as possible, and keep my characters lines of dialogue as important as possible. Unfortunately, there were still a few small lines dotted here and there that I believe could be better interpreted by an actors emotion, rather than actually speaking there line.

In this section of my script for example, Abigail's line "what?" and Douglas' line "Amputation?" could perhaps be removed completely. An audience watching the film would have already heard Doctor Hughes speak about amputating Abigail's arm in the previous line, and as such, her asking "what?" doesn't really add anything that the viewer would find interesting, or appreciate. Likewise, Douglas' line "Amputation?" merely re-enforces the fact that the possibility of amputation exists as an option for Abigail, which once again doesn't add much in terms of new information for the viewer to digest.
As such, I feel that a reasonable change would be to remove these lines completely, and have the characters react to the amputation suggestion through their actions and emotions, by having they look very shocked or nervous at the prospect of Abigail having to have her arm removed.

2. "There's Something You Should See."
This idea intrigued me, mainly because it is something I had never considered before, but it makes perfect sense. The idea of withholding information from the viewer is order to build tension is a concept I am familiar with, but one I immediately realized I could have approached better in Inoculum. For example, in this section of my script, it is revealed that the Reed family backyard is filled with hundreds of dead, rotting birds which have mysteriously appeared.

The idea of hundreds of dead, rotting birds appearing in your back garden in a matter of hours is indeed a shocking one, but I feel that the reveal of what exactly Delaney and Abigail are looking at happens too soon, and the advice given in the article I found backs this up. 

The way I have written the script, the viewer is kept in a degree of suspense immediately after Delaney and Abigail spot the thing in their back garden that shocks them. However, in the very next scene, the thing is revealed, and although it is still unpleasant and surprising because it is a bunch of dead birds, I feel that perhaps the reveal happens too soon. 

Later in my script, Douglas returns home and cleans up the birds.

The shock value at this point is non-existent, as the birds were revealed several scenes prior. I am considering the possibility that it may be a good idea to hold off the reveal of the birds until Douglas returns home. I could insert a new scene before the reveal where perhaps Abigail or Delaney tell Douglas that something weird has happened in the backyard, and it is at this point that the reveal of the birds will happen.

3. Show Me, Don't Tell Me.

This is again, another concept I am familiar with. I am aware that my script contains a lot of expositional dialogue, showing the way that Abigail's newfound ability to absorb the cells of all living creatures works. This ends up with my screenplay looking more like a wall of dialogue than anything, and I feel that my best bet would be to focus on creating ways that it can be shown Abigail has this ability in a way viewers would be able to understand, without a character straight-up revealing what is happening.

I have already created a few moments which show Abigail is taking cells, and these are:

• When it is shown that the house plants have died overnight.
• When Craig Manning discovers that strange cells have mysteriously appeared in a blood sample taken from Abigail.
• When hundreds of dead, rotting birds appear in the familys back garden.
• When local people (particularly Delaney) begin to get sick and begin to rot.
• When Abigail begins to get better as other get worse.

These moments, although making perfect sense in my head, aren't enough I feel for a viewer without any understanding of Abigail's ability beforehand to understand what is happening. Therefore I feel it is important for me to create some more similar moments that better showcase the idea that perhaps Abigail is stealing people's cells, and remove as much expositional dialogue and explanations of her condition as possible.

4. Lack of Trust= Great Cinema.

This is an idea that is completely new to me, but something I can see working in my film. Later in the film, Delaney grows wary and especially angry that she and so many of the people around her are getting sick, and that Douglas will not allow the scientists at OmegaPharm to perform tests and experiments on his daughter to see if they can stop it from happening. At one point, it is suggested by Delaney that everyone would be better off if Abigail were dead, as they would stop getting sick, and when Douglas returns home and discovers blood on the floor of his home (from when Craig tried to break into the house to kidnap/kill Abigail) he immediately assumes that Delaney has done something to harm Abigail, when in fact it is Delaney that has been injured.

I feel that I could expand upon this level of trust more throughout the film somehow. I will continue to work on this idea throughout the course of my second draft.

I found this article very interesting, and as a result I think it would be useful for me to find articles on similar subjects, perhaps using films other than The Thing as an example. This way I can get a variety of ideas and opinions which I think will only benefit my overall screenplay.