PreProduction Unit- Feedback from First Draft of Inoculum.

Today I met with Simon Welsford, who ran through some points he noticed in my script, as well as providing some useful insight into what could be done to better tell the story I was trying to present.
I made notes on my phones in the form of bullet points. My notes are as follows;

• More description needed when setting the scene.
• Be more descriptive of characters and settings. More research into how other screenplay writers in the sci-fi/drama genre achieve this. Set the tone when introducing a scene.
• Make sure scene numbers are clear so that they can be easily referred to in conversation/ during shooting.
• Reduce dialogue and attempt to "show" rather than "tell."
• Make a clear definition about who the story is about.
• Show shifts in power throughout.
• Show Abigail and Douglas as having a strong relationship- until Abigail intervenes.
• The change from devastating news to normal family day is unnatural.

I understand all these points that were made particularly the one about showing who the protagonist of the film is. I spent so much time trying to give the characters of Delaney, Douglas and Abigail equal exposure and importance that it became difficult to tell who the main character is, and who the viewer should be rooting for.

It was also suggested that perhaps I could elaborate on Abigail's dead mother. Perhaps Abigail could be living with her until she dies, and then move in with Douglas and Delaney, stirring things up and creating a change in atmosphere immediately.

I will begin my next script draft immediately, and attempt to create much more complex, developed characters.